A Chat with Jennifer

From last spring


me: what should i do when i graduate?

Jen: Travel the world, sample exotic foods and wine, recite poetry to beautiful women, skydive, buy a small plot of land with a vineyard.

me: that sounds about right
it’s a cash problem
i'm no trust fund baby

Jen: Make lots of money. Get rich quick. Then do the above.

me: how do i get rich quick?

Jen: Um, become a pimp.
Sell illegal drugs.
Start gambling.

me: actually, you know what occurred to me today?

Jen: What occurred to you today?

me: i won't really survive at all financially unless i get married.
no joke.

Jen: To a trust fund baby?

me: no, anybody at all.
who has an income

Jen: So not anybody at all?
You couldn't marry me because I don't have an income.

me: but you will, right?
before too long?
plus you're already married. which saddens me :(

Jen: Someday, perhaps. Before too long? Not sure.
Already married, no, but plan to be, hopefully sooner than later.

me: so what the fuck am i supposed to do now

Jen: Since I'm not marrying you?

me: yeah, since you're not marrying me.
i never thought I’d need to get married out of pragmatism.

Jen: You use the f-word too much.

me: that's once.
and it was for emphasis.

Jen: That's once too many.

me: it sounded good in my head.

Jen: It looks bad on chat.

me: sorry.

Jen: And sounds bad in my head.

me: sorry.
ahh, sorry.

Jen: No worries. I love Jesus, so I forgive you.
So you need to find some hot mama with an income.

me: yeah.
who is tolerable.

Jen: Tolerable? How do you mean?

me: who isn't annoying

Jen: Hmm, you're being a little picky, aren't you?

me: wanting to marry somebody who isn't annoying is picky?

Jen: First she's gotta have an income. Then she's got to not be annoying.
I'm sure you have other criteria as well.

me: yeah, but they are pragmatic criteria.
i mean, both of the above are pragmatic.
my other criteria are probably similar.

Jen: No other pragmatic criteria?

me: like, can't have psychosic allergies and isn't awkward around trees.
i don't really ask for much in any part of life.

Jen: Awkward around trees? Are there people who are awkward around trees?

me: yeah.
especially when there are lots of them.
such as in a forest.

Jen: What - are they scared of them? Do they not look at them? Are they afraid to get within a certain number of feet?

me: i don't know. ask them.
my point is, marriage is utterly abstract to me and isn't something i'm really after.
so to realize that, pragmatically, i should get married puts a large burden upon me.

Jen: Are there no single architects in the world?

me: architects are ugly and inept.
i am a case in point.

Jen: You are neither.

me: architects are scary people who believe in fantasies
such as the virtual future
and deconstructivism

Jen: But if they are ugly and inept, then there should be lots of single ones in the world.
How do they afford to be so?

me: there are plenty of single ones and they're degenerate. they can't afford it.
they don't make any money.

Jen: Hmm, when do you graduate?

me: next january
i wish i didn't have any student debt.
then i could be the person i need to be.

Jen: You and me both!