Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Record


Now I will do nothing but listen,
To accrue what I hear into this song, to let sounds contribute toward it.
I hear bravuras of birds, bustle of growing wheat,
gossip of flames, clack of sticks cooking my meals
I hear the sound I love, the sound of the human voice,
I hear all sounds running together,
combined, fused or following

All the Records previous to this.
Past peoples who yet thrive in my present.

The Record

a morning in inman, books to my body
coffee then with sabeen, we talked at 1369
for a few days i waited about the west
there were films, snowy nights, papers to write
long mornings and afternoon rest
late night walks with many people in the streets
monta's house
the druid where we all said goodbye
sabeen, teddy, shu, leah, maciej (as he was then known)
doug, sarah, jenny, kristen, sylvia
i was going to say something after that night
with so little time left but decided not to.
one last lunch at shaheen's, mack at the table
i drove west to buffalo
arriving in a blizzard, sleeping in a mute farmhouse
next was home, a day over, then to buffalo
boston again,
maciej and sylvia at the middle east
denounced on vodka
i almost did it, there was a moment it might have happened
and before i know it,
there are the plains, the mountains,
denver, vail
there's a full moon tonight, wave so i can see you
here i am in my new home
my back taking a week to adjust
time off in the lodge, waiting for gear
the sun at such a high altitude scalds your hair
it saturates your body with depth
each morning there is blood from your fingers on the bed
many talks, many chats
what happened was what i expected
i tried to be a good compatriate, and patient
the back room finally became safe
i drank with these kids, inhaling smoke
i took walks above the road and remembered the lights on the hills
deep in the trees there were fewer hesitations
i love you, but you lost me
after many years that story was over
andrew and i spoke in an empty room
i said, i can't believe
winter turned
now i have one wing of fear, one of hope
where will this lead
now all of this began to make sense
the true west, a point of access
when the door can stay open
in a soonly spring i reversed, gathering for the south
the day i left colorado, the air smelled like my own youth
an afternoon out of the mountains for a train
my heart started to pound, others could hear it
they turned their heads, i was sure
except for one
will you wait for my train with me
we talked in a park, saying i knew from the beginning
you didn't have the fortitude
i'm not sure if it's fortitude exactly, more like an impulse of making
the station silent, the late day sun across the pews
i said this is the universal there, i could do this,
i know this place without having been here
the platform cleared and i said this is like a song, an odd film
suddenly, breakfast in the landscape with a flower
a near suffocation, but soon came chicago
and chicago, home, and it was turning spring again
i went to durham, knocking in the evening
and then atlanta, a hot day in a cool office
westward to alabama, through deep red pine trees
it was a cool night, and rammed earth smelled like beets

and alabama happened

now it's a cold morning in the rain
the north has returned to get you, she said
i went that way
jb and i talked about alabama, risks worth taking
then in nashville to skate music, coffee with phenis
keepin cleanis,
long days here of repetitious sitting, i made lists
through the land between the lakes, at a nabokovian wayside
i miss your existence (oh is that right?)
then to ottawa in a crisp midwestern may:
deep wind, bright foliage, walking with andrew and rosie
melissa at the house, the back doors open
where there was once a garden trough
then chicago with dawn, a long companion as i call it
conversations that years ago may have been surprising
on a cold morning i went to the lake
soon again, in grand rapids with another long companion
you didn't fail, i tried to explain
conversations that years ago may have been surprising
ann arbor to d and k, ashton and wrigley
warm spring nights of hockey at the corner
eastward to cambridge now, with a stop in buffalo
hello, here is my home, here are my kin
can i join you? yes,
and a crossing into boston, an intepid anxiety
make it right, i said, make it right
this was not a weekend for graduation and procession
but reconciliation and setting out peace
peace, peace, and i nearly cried
evening at the cellar, and another with
teddy, ingrid, sylvia, cryan, emilyp, kate, echristo, daniel, caitlin
class day and light in the city like paris somehow
yang and i discuss the heaviness
michelle, shanks, ricky with champagne on a last night
flowers falling in the new yard, birds, resilience
this thing called harvard is over
monta for naps and coffee, lingering in the square
inman, people's republic, topher, saif, brigid
a final punjab with sabs, goodbye to you at ss
a final 1369 with teddy, and the road again, south
ricky in brooklyn, chang in union,
easy e in baltimore, and rightly proud
annapolis for phil, gail, dunc, mike
a strange almost sinister silence in this history
a day in washington, then durham by nightfall
a week in durham in a long, lingering song
abiding in many of the gaps, alex and emily
soccer beneath the oaks, a drive southly more
a walk up springer, then a goodbye, a long path.
on foot across the land with
moondog, rocketbug, blue, doublecheck, magnolia, pearl, listener, etc.
the doc and the georgian
long days at the sunnybank with its porches
instruments in the evening and lingering rain
farther north into cold wet mountains
with the captain i closed out these days
coming to virginia with limping
waiting in a sundry town listening to storms
along she came in a car
a long-waited reunion at the francis marion
driving in the wet night and timeless day
farewell at the curb like a old radio ballad
i feel like i'm in a dream
beginning a new fall with gray
silence came over me, hesitations of words
after a month in the west
here was my brother and ross
teddy and clea walking into the mountains, buff in the water
an el camino for the last days of summer against mt. tabor
now to jill beyond alabama at the corroding beaches
doog and sarah in a strange flat land with odd silences
back to the east for tepid months of waiting
the land became fallow again
a purple evening at pamplona
like in a film i can only watch her as the train goes on
ending in the north again with persistent snow
easy e and mike d on the sides of hills
near calamity in the body, but also the heart
this is the point, a passing on of a stand
a trading of platforms and premises
the taubman college supper club with jen, ciej, teman
viva la revolucion at the house on heather
many returns to the comfort of a home when i had none
a harbor in more ways than one by dj and deniz
and again became spring, in a week in march
then april passes, and on the third of may,
regeneration. this never should have passed us by
some weeks of trepidation and hope
ultimately hope (against hope)
suddenly back in a place where i once began
an old crew, maggie and kasi, shaheen and fashion,
five years and one week gone by
and e
please be on the other side
another cold gray goodbye, and it is beautiful
flying west now over the same land as always
arriving back, returning forward
a period for grace and will
time and yes
and we're calling all the people
and we're calling all the people
that were here
this is a record of all the happenings
of another may to may, a year gone by.