Parade of Delusion

The hypocrites of suburban Detroit

There is a freakshow of incredible dimwitedness going on in southeast Michigan right now. Those that have left the region will not be surprised. The undercurrents of the Detroit Zoo and water debates are those of the xenophobic paranoia that constitutes life in suburban Detroit, where the SUVs run on suspicion and fear as much as they run on gasoline. Incidentally, suburban Detroit is overwhelmingly Republican. 90% white, 90% Republican. Douche bags.

So the issue is that the Detroit Zoo is in dire straits. It is owned and operated by the City of Detroit, which is broke. The Zoological Society, a non-profit organization established to tend the zoo, proposed a transfer of operation from the City to their organization, which the Council refused, cutting off funding and forcing the Zoo to prepare for closing. This has renewed the debate in SE Michigan on regional taxes for things like--oh--public transportation, cultural institutions, important public entitites such as zoos--and whatnot. Keep in mind that suburban Detroit is 90% populated by Republican douches when you read these shenanigans.

Below is a post from a Detroit News message board on the topic of a regional zoo tax. A suburban Republican douche responded to the question if such a tax should exist:


NO!!!!!That Zoo,if you could call it that,is the one of the best examples of the inability to keep animals in captivity under proper terms.Not only are the conditions terrible for the poor animals,but the staff is the even worst.How about a smile,clean the bathrooms and possibly be friendly.Or does that cost more?bet each and everyone of them just love their jobs,NOT!Oh and i guess my families dollars will change that,NOT!As for our tax dollars paying for it.You bunch of pathetic fools,look around.Kilpatrick has you all fooled into thinking we should all pay for that cities failure to do a single thing that will benefit the educational system.Yet hey,thet got the schools covered right?I moved out of the city i was born and raised in 11 years ago(detroit that is).Why?Because i was not about to raise a family with three children in that pit.To send them into those hell holes called schools would be suicide!Now those who argue the educational benefit of the Detroit Zoo is a need we can not be without.Well in 2000,2001,2002 Our east china schools visited that pit on field trips.Not even half of the exibits were open,the ones that were the animals could not be found.What a shame,a true waste of dollars.My young ones were devastated!Not the same Zoo i grew up with,will never go there again.I will travel out of the state to visit real zoos,places where you can actually see the animals.So you just try to get a vote on this one,the 60%+ of us will vote it down.And if it is so important to save then start a new foundation and gets funds that way.Fire all the staff and get some people that really care for animals and people to work there.GOD BLESS AMERICA and OUR BOYS AND GIRLS OVER SEAS!!!!!!!!


I love the testoneronic inovcation of pseuopatriotism at the end; screaming against giving up 3 dollars of his PBR beer money each year, he holds his dick in his hand as God Blesses America. It's incredible how the thin-veiled racial implications of this douche's post is so integrally related to a zoo. What's incredible is that this douche has, after a five-exclamation-pointed expurgation of 'no,' justified according to his own experience, his own tangible concern, the reason for a regional tax. Suburbanites use the zoo too, and this particular suburban douche is appalled at its condition, offended that his children have to go there but glad that they don't have to attend "hellhole" schools in Detroit, yet is simultaneously tooth-and-nail, steadfastly set against its functional operation. Here's a less thinly-veiled post:


SCREW DETROIT!!!!! Detroit said they didn't need the suburbs, but now they are lovey-dovey when they need the suburbs money. There are to many taxes as it is.


This douche is from Trenton. Go figure. Here's another post with slightly amplified feelings of bigotry:


YES I WOULD ..ONLY IF THE CROOKS IN DETROIT DONT HAVE THEIR HANDS IN IT..IT WOULD BE A WAY FOR THE MAYOR TO GET ANOTHER NAVIGATOR.. SHOULD ASKED THE MAYOR OF DETROIT WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME HE WAS AT THE ZOO.. IF DETROIT HAS THIR HANDS IN IT ,,THEN I SAY CLOSE IT NOW AND FIND THE ANIMALS A NEW HOME IN ANOTHER STATE


Wow. I'm glad to see all of those suburban Republican douches being so critical. Here's something they don't realize, though. Their lifestyle of waste and consumerism--the freeways, the stripmalls, the 9-lane suburban thoroughfares, the subdivisions, the cinaplexes and megamalls, the infrastructure of individualism and instantaneity--is supported by regional and state taxes. The road infrastructure that implicity--necessarily and fundamentally--makes their lifestyle possible, is payed for my the citizens of the state of Michigan, even all way up in Chippewa County in the Upper Peninsula. The third-world, tribal stand against civic collectivity is--well, out of date. But what more can you say of suburban Republican douche bags?

Meanwhile...

The suburban governments of SE Michigan, organized under the guise of SEMCOG (SE Michigan Council of Governments), are comprehensively dependent on Detroit for their water infrastructure. The City of Detroit controls water for the entire region, though suburban governments see it as an intrinsic right that the City continue to provide this service according to their own lifestyle demands. In other words, suburban communities want Detroit's water, but they want Detroit to carry the brunt of the costs, and to maintain the infrastructure, and to be responsible for repairs, and upgrades, and new construction, and efficiency. From the point of view of suburban governments, as well as citizens, they pay for the water, not the responsibility of the water system; Detroit is the water landlord, who keeps up the property and makes repairs, but the suburbs are the water tenants, who pay monthly for the water one-bedroom, but not to paint it and fix the heat and maintain the lawn.

So how is it that the douche bags of Suburbanland are so outrageously opposed to the concept of regional systems, regional accountability, responsibility, viability (Jesse, is that you?), and indeed, livability? This is the state of the suburban Republican douche, who is intrinsically hypocritical and autonomously blinded, as in the case of the Detroit zoo polemicizer, who provided an exact justification for a regional tax to help an entity he admitted was regionally relevant. So why isn't the same true for water, which the SRDB uses to vernalize his lawn in the summer global warming-induced drought induced by the fumes of his SUV and lawnmower? Do you see what I mean?


Chanson: Sunny Day Real Estate, Pillars